Note to self...

Mood: Blah.
iTunes: Nothing...yet.

Note to self:

No more dating losers who get suspended for weeks on end for stupid things that they did without telling you. That equals lame, and it also equals you get caught text messaging by teachers who hate that.

-megan.

Enough about me...

Mood: Bored...excited...worried...mostly worried.
iTunes: Nothing

So. As kind of a disclaimer, I knew that the guy I am kind of dating (from here on he will be known as my not-boyfriend) was a loser before I started getting interested in him. So this kind of thing is to be expected. But honestly, I still like him even though he is a total and complete moron and I'm not very happy at the moment but he is still my not-boyfriend.

Anyway.

He got himself emergency expelled for 10 days, and if he doesn't go to drug and alcohol counseling it'll be 20. Yeah, because he decided to go off campus and drink during third period on the last day of the semester.

I have no idea why. Becuase he is a moron. And I went to his work yesterday and yelled at him.

But that's why my week sucked, mostly. And now I don't get to see him at all because not only will he not be at school but he is totally grounded and his cell phone got taken away.

MAN I have amazing taste in boys.

-megan.

I'm feeling uncreative today so...

Mood: Good! And you?
iTunes: So Much For The Afterglow - Everclear

I'm gonna do the whole first-15-songs thing again. And if you're lucky I'll add a little commentary here and there.

1. Small Town Trap - Eve 6 - I don't even remember the last time I heard this song. But the whole CD is amazing.
2. You Spin Me Round [Cover] - Marilyn Manson - This is a good song...um. It's the only Marilyn Manson song I've ever heard/cared enough to listen through. Maybe because it's not original.
3. Long, Long, Long - The Beatles - For some reason this song makes me really really inexplicably sad. Usually songs only make me sad when I associate them with something, but this one is just eerily...sad.
4. Blue - Eiffel 65 - I thought I was cool when these guys were. I was wrong. And then I turned 17, and I was all, "Hey, man, that CD was amazing!" So I put it on my iPod.
5. Tipsy [Remix] - J-Kwon - This song was amazing the first time, and the remix is even better. Becuse this time they use letters instead of numbers. And the swearing is different.
6. What Happened To Us? - Hoobastank - This song reminds me of Seattle. I'm not really sure why. But it makes me sad too, because it reminds me of taking trains which makes me want to run away.
7. Honey - Moby - This song is from the movie Holes. It's repetitive and annoying, but lovable. Kinda like a toddler.
8. Never Again - Nickelback - This song is sad, but in an angry way...um. It's about domestic abuse...not fun stuff. But the song itself is good.
9. I'll Be There [Cover] - Me First & The Gimme Gimmes - I don't care too much for much of their stuff, but they do have several redeeming songs. This is one of them.
10. Hooch - Sum 41 - This song is interesting because it seems like 2 different songs BUT THEY ARE THE SAME. If I'm thinknig of the right song...Yeah. I'm not. Damn.
11. My Heart Will Go On [Cover] - New Found Glory - Apparently I'm all about the covers today. Interesting.
12. Honest Mistake - The Bravery
13. I Touch Myself [Cover] - Eve 6 - What is this? Odd. I like this song because it's a live version, and somewhere in the middle they jsut start talking about something random, I don't know what because I wasn't there, but it's interesting because they manage use the most random conversation to segue right back into the song.
14. Music When The Lights Go Down - The Libertines - This song is like, perky and upbeat, (kind of), but still really sad if you listen to the words. I don't know why, and it may not be evident from my lists, but I have a special place in my heart for breakup songs. This is at the top of my list. By the way, I discovered it because it was on Daniel Radcliffe's (Harry Potter) celebrity playlist on iTunes.
15. Hear You Me - Jimmy Eat World - One of the saddest songs you will ever hear. In your entire life. In fact I highly reccomend that you go listen to it and cry, which you will, becuase if you don't, you are either not listening hard enough or you DON'T HAVE A SOUL. Thank you.

You got lucky, there's a lot of my own writing in there. Wow.

-megan.

I really am a loser on the inside

Mood: I'm happy. For a little bit.
iTunes: Cigaro - System Of A Down

Yeah, so, pretty sure that I had a mostly terrible weekend. I got to work late Friday night, so I had to teach a different class than normal which totally threw me off. Then I woke up there Saturday morning and hey decided to grace me with an All-Day Kids class - these classes are the absolute same thing as hell. It was awful, mostly. But I don't think it's fun to talk about it.

Then I came home, to find out that Zanna's boyfriend dumped her for some stupid stuff that happened, and he was an ass about it. It makes me really worried, but I think that things will turn out okay after a couple days...I hope.

Anyway. Lots of drama. And it's all really interesting, and pointless, and I'll miss it in a few months after I graduate, but only if I don't mess up. Again.

-megan.

Because I Know You Care So Much

Mood: I'm in an interesting mood today.

So. Today, because you're just that lucky, I'm going to post a list of the first fifteen songs that play on my iPod when I turn it on. So you can get an idea of what I like and you'll stop reccomending things like...(instert random crappy band here, because I honestly can't think of anything at the moment.)

1. Crazy In Love (Cover) - Snow Patrol
2. Subbacultcha - Pixies
3. A Celebration Upon Completion - Bright Eyes
4. If You Don't, Don't - Jimmy Eat World
5. Martha My Dear - The Beatles
6. Lizzy - Ben Kweller
7. Luxerious [Remix] - Gwen Stefani ft. Slim Thug
8. Me And The Moon - Something Corporate
9. Playa You Don't Know - Slim Thug
10. Living In The Shadows - Billy Talent
11. Feel Good Inc. - Gorillaz
12. Ain't Heard Of That - Slim Thug ft. Bun B
13. I Am A Heart Watson The Rest Of Me Is Mere Appendix - Forgive Durden
14. Still Waiting - Sum 41
15. Dracostea Din Tai (Numa Numa) - O-Zone

Ooh, before I leave: Hey, stop reading over my shoulder!!!

-megan.

Pretend I'm not here.

Mood: Eh. More or less lots of things.
iTunes: The Hardest Part - Coldplay

I think. That I made a decision and I let everyone know too soon. Because now I want to take it back but I don't know how to bring it up without it being a little bit awkward and whatever. And also I'm not sure that the other person involved would go for it. What happened to that little bit of fake confidence I had? Why did it go away, besides the obvious? When can I get it back?

Hopefully soon or I'm going to drive myself completely insane.

-megan.

So, until now...

Mood: Interesting. This.
iTunes: The City Has Sex With Itself - Bright Eyes

I fell again at school. I should probably start getting used to it. I was walking down the stairs in the front of the A building, and I guess my Converse just plain suck. And they want to be replaced. They are tired of walking through mud puddles, and being full of holes, and covered in writing.

So they decide to give out on me at the worst times, like when I am walking down stairs in front of a whoooole bunch of people I don't know, and when I am walking through really really muddy patches of grass.

Anyway. I was just realizing that before I started writing this, I had so many interesting things happening to me that I could write about.

Now, I still have all those interesting things happening, and they happen so much more often, but I can't just write about them. Because they are not only my secrets to share. And I would feel traitorous and bad if I shared them with who-knows-who.

I dunno why, but I guess I just wanted you to know that my life is not nearly as boring as it seems on here. We'll see.

-megan.

No title can summarize my weekend

Mood: Kind of..I don't know what you'd call it?
iTunes: The Sour And The Sweet - Forgive Durden

So.

I'm alive. Somehow. It has been the strangest weekend of my entire life. It started out totally normally, I sprained my ankle for the umpteenth time snowboarding, then I had to teach a skiing class Saturday morning on said sprained ankle (I also don't ski. Those kids learned hella.) Saturday night was fairly uneventful...I hung out with Zanna and we went and bought a car charger for my phone because my brother left my wall charger up at work. And we hung out at the Albertson's for a while where Zanna stabbed herself in the face with the corner of a cheese-ball package. It was funny...for a while.

Sunday....was Sunday. My dad got called as the bishop of my ward...That should be interesting. Um. That's all for Sunday. That you get to know, anyway.

Monday I got to sleep in! For once! I was so happy. And then I woke up at 8am and couldn't get back to sleep to save my life. There was a church thing and I played DDR and hung out with Zanna and Spencer and I discovered that my life is SO like interesting.

Or, not my life, per se, but there are things that are screwed up that totally affect my life, which is screwed up enough as it is. Just know that the three of us will kick your ass when it comes to having an amazing time with friends.

Um. By the way, I want a set of brass knuckles for my birthday.

-megan.

Awkward is...

Mood: Everything...I realize this is the vaguest answer in the world. Get used to it.
iTunes: Bandages - Hot Hot Heat

-Going into a public bathroom stall so quietly that not one member of the dance team realizes you're in there and continues to discuss their deepest secrets, completely unaware that there is a nosy teenaged blogger girl right in the middle of it all.

-Doing the above, then waiting for the entire dance team to leave, only to have some weird girl come in after them and sing to herself (kind of quietly, but still audibly) while she was going to the bathroom.

-Having aforementioned girl talk to you in an endless stream about nothing in particular the entire time you are both washing your hands, then following you halfway to your classroom.

I think that it's time for the weekend, such as it is.

-megan.

That Was Alter Ego

Mood: Yuck yuck yuck.
iTunes: Sorry Sorry - Rooney

I'm getting a haircut today. And I think I'm getting my eyebrows waxed, too. It's about time. I hate plucking.

I'm nervous. I don't know why, the woman who's cutting my hair is the one who always cuts it and it always ends up looking perfect. Normally I don't get nervous about haircuts. Maybe it's because I haven't had my hair cut since this summer.

I better go find something better to do.

-megan.

I Wouldn't Notice

Mood: Everything..!
iTunes: Dark Blue - Jack's Mannequin

Blogger is being silly, and whenever I click a link to an entry I've written or try to look at my blog it tells me I don't have permisson. I don't have permission to read what I thought I wrote.

Oh well. It'll work itself out sooner or later.

I have a three-day weekend. Which, for me, equals one day off. One day off. I don't get a weekend, for the time being, and I am pissed as hell about it, in case you haven't heard me mention it at some other point.

Here's my weekend: I leave at around 3 pm on Friday. I teach a class at 7 pm. I spend the night up there, and wake up at 7:30 am. I work till 3:15 pm. I sit around Saturday afternoon/night after the 2 hour-long drive home, and then bitch and moan to whoever will listen about how bored I am. This goes on till around 10, when my parents come down and make me go to bed. Then I have church and various other stupid meetings starting at 11:30 am on Sunday, and then I go to bed and my week starts over again.

So, a three-day weekend is AMAZING for me. Because I get to sleep in until 9, but no later because my stupid body clock hates life/me. But I have amazing-looking plans, possibly...And I am a little bit excited or something like that.

Um...When will people start taking me seriously? I'm 17. Not four. I know I act like it. At least sometimes. But I know when it matters and when it doesn't, really. I'm getting really really really mad about people who think that I...I can't even think of words for it, because I really don't know what their problem is. But it should stop.

Anyway. Have a nice afternoon.

-megan.

Psst....

There is a girl sitting like 5 feet to my right who stops what she is doing at random intervals to stare at me with her eyes half closed. I'm nervous.

-megan.

I'm The Best

Mood: Hahaha...I'm hyper.
iTunes: Out Of My Mind - James Blunt

I have done it. I made it through all of my freshman, sophomore, and junior years without doing it. And halfway through my senior year, it happens. It was bound to happen-no one graduates from this school without it happening at least once on campus.

I slipped and fell, on my butt. It was the most hilarious and amsing thing to happen to me in like weeks. I haven't laughed that hard in...quite a while. Zanna was with me, and the first thing she said, "Did you see the LOOK on your face?!"

Uh, no, Zanna, can't say that I did.

But don't worry. We took a picture of the aftermath. See, normal kids fall inside, on the stairs, which are like shower stalls filled with shampoo when they are wet.

I, of course, haaad to fall outside, on the muddiest bit of grass in all of Everett.

It was amazing. I drove home and changed and then came back to school and got right online to tell the world about it, because I'm just that kind of cool. There will be a picture later.

-megan.

I Crashed I Burned

Mood: Death. Just.
iTunes: One of These Things First - Nick Drake

I think I might have lie a million burst organs.

My stomach hurts. Not just a little bit of hungry-edge hurting, or even a little bit of nausea or indigestion.

No.

It hurts to the point where every time i move my leg or touch my stomach or move it in any way, it feels like it's about to tear through my skin and attack everything in sight. It hurts.

Yet I am still at school, because my mother doesn't believe that there's anything wrong with me. Also I still have to go to work today.

I'm not happy.

-megan.

Why?

Mood: ...I don't have one.
iTunes: Talk To Me, Dance With Me - Hot Hot Heat

I don't have anything to say. All my creativity kind of goes out the door during the day. At night, though, in my room, the writing is insane. I can write and write for hours, although generally it doesn't make sense to anyone but me. I wouldn't call my notebook a journal, because journals are things you'll be able to read when you're 80 and know exactly what was going on. I have a journal like that, but I haven't written in it since...the end of September, roughly.

I don't know why, I'm not lazy when it comes to writing things like that.

I really want a taco. Preferably from Taco Bell, but I would accept submissions from Taco Del Mar, as well as an Expresso Burrito (chicken) from Casa Tequila.

It has to have sour cream as well as tomatoes, whatever I end up eating.

I'm in a hungry mood, I have decided. And also kind of bored and lonely and annoyed and happy and relieved and confused and hyper and tired and...

-megan.

Listen to me whine...

Mood: Annoyed.
iTunes: Basket Case - Green Day

I'm tired of most things now. I don't know why, or what, exactly, I'm tired of, but I bet if you asked me about any given thing I'd be tired of it.

I am not, however, tired of Subway. Or the fact that I may soon be working four jobs instead of just the three that I currently have. Because that means that much more money. And think of all the books I could read...

Provided I had the time. Between all four jobs....

Agh. I am so done with school, I hate it. Although I still have noooo idea what I'm doing next year. Journalism? Photography? Biology? Criminal Justice?

I need an afternoon off. And there isn't one in sight for at least three weeks.

-megan.

YESSS

Mood: Hyper
iTunes: Nothing

I have a job interview on Thursday at the library...YESSS! Oh my goodness I'm so excited.

-megan.

I Think I Need Not To Be Rescued

Mood: Waaay not here.
iTunes: If I Die - Something Corporate

I woke up at 700 am today. Because I had the bright idea that going to school would be a million times awesomer than sitting around at home all day.

You know it's going to be a loooong day when your first period teacher asks you if you "drank your parents New Year's Eve leftovers for breakfast." Thanks, but my parents don't drink, sir. He also asked me if I spiked my coffee. Yeaaaah, no.

I woke up and my eyes were more bloodshot than I have ever seen them and I really don't know why, other than I have gotten roughly 6 hours of sleep since last Wednesday. It was a long and occasionally fun weekend, though. Actually. There was only one really amusing time, and it was at 1230 am on Sunday morning. I had been texting a very wasted Blake on and off all night and he decided that it would be cool to call me when he went to bed. Only I was already half asleep. I talked to him for like an hour and a half, and it was the funniest thing that had happened to me in like 3 days. It was a good start to the new year, I believe.

New year. Wow. I was sitting there all contemplative and stuff after his phone died on me, and I was thinking. A lot. I mean, 2005 was a really weird year for me. I changed like completely, and I'm still changing. I did things I'd never ever even thought I would do, and I spent a lot of time regretting some of them. At around 600 pm on Friday night, I stopped regretting a lot of things, as a result of more thinking-time. I was okay. Everything was perfect. It still is, and I think it will be for a while now.

And the year's been going for...a lot of hours now, and I still haven't done anything I regret. I'm glad. Maybe this year will be as good/bad/confusing/weird as last year. I loved it, now that it's over. All the people I met and forgot, and all the friends I ditched and forgot, and all the ones who forgot me, and all the guys I had issues with (read: all 3 of them [i'm cutting back]), and all the partying I didn't do, and all the partying I did do, and all the mistakes I made, and all the mistakes made for me, and all the growing I did, and all the moving around, and all the shifting of opinions, and all the blaming, and all the writing and drawing and copying and cheating, and lying and forgetting and omissions of the full story, and all the truth I told that didn't make a difference anyway. All the jealousy, all the annoyance, all the boredom, all the hyper-ness, all the feeling completely un-sober even though I was.

I did a lot this year. Now I'm going to go home and go to sleep. My year's just starting, two days late.

I'm back, yo.

-megan.